Yesterday was attempted number 2 at closing baby Fox's chest it was a success for the most part and I couldn't be more relieved! With the first attempt being Sunday and that being a totally disater I was incredibly nervous to have them attempt again so soon after he crashed. However he has to have his chest closed to get home.. I mean I don't think his future classmates would take to kindly to seeing his heart all out there like that ;) bring a whole new meaning to wearing your heart on your sleeve.
He looks so much more comfortable with his chest closed.. It was open for 7 days, a lot longer than ever expected but Fox has a complex coronary atatomy. Of course right? poor man. So while his chest is now closed there seems to be another mystery to unravel .... so that means we aren't going home anytime soon. His Sats are in the 80's and that's not ideal usually even when they "fix" a heart the sats will be above 95 % His little feet and hands sometimes look at little blue because the heart is shunting and mixing blood in places it shouldn't. They are giving him a couple more days to see if it fixes it's self however if it doesn't they will have to do something more invasive and that could mean more open heart surgery. Although if all of his other numbers are good (some of his blood work is still a little wonky) then they would hopefully wait til he was older. He is still on the ventilator and of course I am dying for them to take him off of it. I'm hoping that they slowly start weening him off in the next few days and that his little body tolerates it and his sats don't go more down.
At least we are making progress slow and ready that's good enough for me. How ever long Foxy needs I will be here waiting for him to come home with me and join our family so we can become a new family of 5.
Every day all day I just sit with him, I can't wait til he is awake and I can interact with him.
I have never been more emotional or tired in my entire life, I can't imagine how he feels. I keep telling him life is so much more that the intesive care unit. What brings some peace is knowing that he won't remeber any of this, for me of course I will always remeber but I would never want to forget about how my son fought for his life. As tough as it is this is the only way that I can bring my sweet love home with me.
He really amazes me every minute of every day. I know Tripp and Everly-Rose are just gonna be the greatest big brother and big sister ever. :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Brave little Fox
I haven't really had much time at all to update on my blog, but things are going in the right direction.
Fox had his open heart surgery tuesday, he was 5 days old. His ox stats were down in the 50's then 40's then even right before they wisked him off they went down into the 20's. It was time for the surgery thank god he was going in the OR room his body wasn't really responding to the PGE meds anymore.
It goes without saying that, that Tuesday was the toughest day of my life. It was so hard and I was completely helpless, I couldn't fix his heart, and I had to trust the surgerical team too. We were told around 4-6 hours without any updates... omg I didn't relized they wouldn't update that was even more torture. The thought of my brave little man on the table cut open unconcious on the bypass machine was horrific. then as time passed so did the est time we were now approaching the 8th hour... and then the nurse came out. I was shaking .. the screen in the waiting room still said he was in the OR why is she coming out already? what's wrong? Well turns out he almost didn't make it (although we found this out later, glad she didn't tell us.) he was a bleeder as they call it and they thought they would need about 3 more hours. I don't think I stoped crying until I saw him 13 hours after we left him. he endured 11 hours of surgery. WOW how is that possible I truely feel as though he is ment to be part of our family, we need him just as much as he needs us.
That night that I got to see him was a lot harder than I thought. He looked lifeless. I won't go into to much detail on that .. because to be honest I don't really like to think about it.. he was even cold to touch and not much color.
He is now 4 days post-op and doing surprisingly well, for all that he struggled with during the operation the Surgeron and other Dr's are really impressed. Although he still has a long road ahead he is stable and with issues but none as big as before. They are taking about closing his chest tomorrow. That will mark day 5 of his chest being open that is crazy..... He still is not breathing on his own and he is still sedated but he is my hero. He reminds me of his daddy and brother and little sister they are all my hero and all so strong.
Brandon is with the kids back home and I feel like I have a huge whole in my heart. This is the toughest thing I have ever gone through. Honestly way tougher than I had even imagined. But that being said I know we will make it through it and I'm so proud of my family.
Fox had his open heart surgery tuesday, he was 5 days old. His ox stats were down in the 50's then 40's then even right before they wisked him off they went down into the 20's. It was time for the surgery thank god he was going in the OR room his body wasn't really responding to the PGE meds anymore.
It goes without saying that, that Tuesday was the toughest day of my life. It was so hard and I was completely helpless, I couldn't fix his heart, and I had to trust the surgerical team too. We were told around 4-6 hours without any updates... omg I didn't relized they wouldn't update that was even more torture. The thought of my brave little man on the table cut open unconcious on the bypass machine was horrific. then as time passed so did the est time we were now approaching the 8th hour... and then the nurse came out. I was shaking .. the screen in the waiting room still said he was in the OR why is she coming out already? what's wrong? Well turns out he almost didn't make it (although we found this out later, glad she didn't tell us.) he was a bleeder as they call it and they thought they would need about 3 more hours. I don't think I stoped crying until I saw him 13 hours after we left him. he endured 11 hours of surgery. WOW how is that possible I truely feel as though he is ment to be part of our family, we need him just as much as he needs us.
That night that I got to see him was a lot harder than I thought. He looked lifeless. I won't go into to much detail on that .. because to be honest I don't really like to think about it.. he was even cold to touch and not much color.
He is now 4 days post-op and doing surprisingly well, for all that he struggled with during the operation the Surgeron and other Dr's are really impressed. Although he still has a long road ahead he is stable and with issues but none as big as before. They are taking about closing his chest tomorrow. That will mark day 5 of his chest being open that is crazy..... He still is not breathing on his own and he is still sedated but he is my hero. He reminds me of his daddy and brother and little sister they are all my hero and all so strong.
Brandon is with the kids back home and I feel like I have a huge whole in my heart. This is the toughest thing I have ever gone through. Honestly way tougher than I had even imagined. But that being said I know we will make it through it and I'm so proud of my family.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Fox's journey begins
Our brave little man was born november 17, at 1:12pm weighing in at 7 lbs 14oz and 21 inches long! Good size! And he was crying! Yay his cry didn't sound normal tho more grunty and he was very blue. He oxygen stats were in the 30's and he needed to go on cpap. They had trouble getting a line in for the PGE meds that keep his PDA hole in his heart open so that his heart mixes blood. We got to see him before they transferred him to sick kids. I touched his hand for the first time, it was wonderful! I just got stitched up so I was still laying down I only saw the top of his head. But it was the cutest top of a head ever:)
I am not having an easy or even normal recovery after the c-section. Turns out a major deep muscle on the right side of my abdomen was torn pretty bad and the surgeon repaired it for me so I have to be super careful for 2 months. Also I had an excessive amount of blood loss and pain that was so unbearable, they tried every drug and nothing was working just making me sick everywhere. So they ended up having to locally numb some major nerves by a ultrasound guide so I would have some relief. Because of my complications the doctor refused to allow me to go see Fox that night and I had to wait til the next morning at nine. I begged and pleaded and he said he could stop me but doesn't think its safe, I did try and sit up tho and just passed out. The wait til nine the next morning was almost unbearable, but somehow I made it through! And when the moment came that I got to see Fox it was overwhelming he is so strong and covered in wires. Having trouble breathing and still on the cpap machine. They almost had to
Put him on a ventilator bur tried increasing the cpap to the max and that seems to gave stoped the apnea episodes. He had 5 episodes in an hour! They said that is not good at all. My husband and I got to hold little Fox it was amazing.I was only holding him for a few mins when he stopped breathing and they had to take him from me.
On happy ending to today tho, they increased his cpap to the max and so far no more apnea spells. I got to hold him again later today and he is so precious, it's happy times but hard. His poor little face is so swollen because he is on heart failure and he hasn't been able to open his eyes yet. His eyes look like frog eyes just always shut. Poor love, I can't wait to see his beautiful eyes.
I am not having an easy or even normal recovery after the c-section. Turns out a major deep muscle on the right side of my abdomen was torn pretty bad and the surgeon repaired it for me so I have to be super careful for 2 months. Also I had an excessive amount of blood loss and pain that was so unbearable, they tried every drug and nothing was working just making me sick everywhere. So they ended up having to locally numb some major nerves by a ultrasound guide so I would have some relief. Because of my complications the doctor refused to allow me to go see Fox that night and I had to wait til the next morning at nine. I begged and pleaded and he said he could stop me but doesn't think its safe, I did try and sit up tho and just passed out. The wait til nine the next morning was almost unbearable, but somehow I made it through! And when the moment came that I got to see Fox it was overwhelming he is so strong and covered in wires. Having trouble breathing and still on the cpap machine. They almost had to
Put him on a ventilator bur tried increasing the cpap to the max and that seems to gave stoped the apnea episodes. He had 5 episodes in an hour! They said that is not good at all. My husband and I got to hold little Fox it was amazing.I was only holding him for a few mins when he stopped breathing and they had to take him from me.
On happy ending to today tho, they increased his cpap to the max and so far no more apnea spells. I got to hold him again later today and he is so precious, it's happy times but hard. His poor little face is so swollen because he is on heart failure and he hasn't been able to open his eyes yet. His eyes look like frog eyes just always shut. Poor love, I can't wait to see his beautiful eyes.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Less than 2 weeks!
I had my last appt in Toronto before I deliver our son. The appts took all day so tiring. The whole process of stabilizing the baby after birth is terrifying.
I still feel like I have lots of time before my faimly and I go through this journey. But then I look at a calendar and realize I dont have a ton of time left.
Things are starting to fall in place and I know we can get through this, I just feel so bad for my little man he doesn't know what's comming like we do.
He is doing well in my belly I wish he would come out healthy, every parent wants their baby to be healthy I don't get that but I'm blessed that we will be at one of the best hospitals that hopefully can make him healthy. Although we are going to have to go through hell and back to get our son it's worth it, and we are so lucky to have him coming into our lives.
I still feel like I have lots of time before my faimly and I go through this journey. But then I look at a calendar and realize I dont have a ton of time left.
Things are starting to fall in place and I know we can get through this, I just feel so bad for my little man he doesn't know what's comming like we do.
He is doing well in my belly I wish he would come out healthy, every parent wants their baby to be healthy I don't get that but I'm blessed that we will be at one of the best hospitals that hopefully can make him healthy. Although we are going to have to go through hell and back to get our son it's worth it, and we are so lucky to have him coming into our lives.
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